The late Dr. Henry Thayer, founder of Thayer's Laboratory in Cambridge,

was walking along a street one winter morning. The sidewalk was sheeted

with ice and the doctor was making his way carefully, as was also a

woman going in the opposite direction. In seeking to avoid each other,

both slipped and they came down in a heap. The polite doctor was

overwhelmed and his embarrassment paralyzed his speech, but the woman

qual to the occasion.

"Doctor, if you will be kind enough to rise and pick out your legs, I

will take what remains," she said cheerfully.

"Help! Help!" cried an Italian laborer near the mud flats of the Harlem


"What's the matter there?" came a voice from the construction shanty.

"Queek! Bringa da shov'! Bringa da peek! Giovanni's stuck in da mud."

"How far in?"

"Up to hees knees."

"Oh, let him walk out."

"No, no! He no canna walk! He wronga end up!"

There once was a lady from Guam,

Who said, "Now the sea is so calm

I will swim, for a lark";

But she met with a shark.

Let us now sing the ninetieth psalm.

BRICKLAYER (to mate, who had just had a hodful of bricks fall on his

feet)--"Dropt 'em on yer toe! That's nothin'. Why, I seen a bloke get

killed stone dead, an' 'e never made such a bloomin' fuss as you're


A preacher had ordered a load of hay from one of his parishioners. About

noon, the parishioner's little son came to the house crying lustily. On

being asked what the matter was, he said that the load of hay had tipped

over in the street. The preacher, a kindly man, assured the little

fellow that it was nothing serious, and asked him in to dinner.

"Pa wouldn't like it," said the boy.

But the preacher assured him that he would fix it all right with his

father, and urged him to take dinner before going for the hay. After

dinner the boy was asked if he were not glad that he had stayed.

"Pa won't like it," he persisted.

The preacher, unable to understand, asked the boy what made him think

his father would object.

"Why, you see, pa's under the hay," explained the boy.

There was an old Miss from Antrim,

Who looked for the leak with a glim.

Alack and alas!

The cause was the gas.

We will now sing the fifty-fourth hymn.

--_Gilbert K. Chesterton_.

There was a young lady named Hannah,

Who slipped on a peel of banana.

More stars she espied

As she lay on her side

Than are found in the Star Spangled Banner.

A gentleman sprang to assist her;

He picked up her glove and her wrister;

"Did you fall, Ma'am?" he cried;

"Did you think," she replied,

"I sat down for the fun of it, Mister?"

At first laying down, as a fact fundamental,

That nothing with God can be accidental.